Wow! You must really love your cat. And I’m encouraged that you recognize demons in your cat.
I don’t want to let you down. So, here are 10 different prayers to drive the demons out of your heathen cat.
- Pray a “hedge of protection” around your cat.
- Also pray for a big, brick wall of protection with barbed wire on top.
- Blow a shofar to blast your prayer into the feline realm. This will confuse the demons.
- Pray for God to touch your cat “from the top of his head, to the soles of his feet.”
- Grab your cats tail, pull as hard as you can, and yell, “come out!”
- Place your hand on your cat’s head while praying, and push down on your cat’s head every now and then.
- Say, “God, Lord, Jesus,” after every phrase.
- Declare that your cat will have 10 lives instead of only 9 lives.
- Pray that God gives your cat “travelling mercies.”
And last of all!
- Humbly ask the Lord to turn your cat into a dog.
None of these methods will guarantee the health and well-being of your cat, but no prayer guarantees anything . . . no matter what technique you use!
There is room for teaching people how to pray—Jesus did it (Luke 11:1).
But beware.
“The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are . . . full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God” (Matthew 6:7, The Message).
God bless you…even your cat.
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You might also be interested in these posts:
- Demons Have No “Legal Rights”
- Spiritual Warfare, Demons, and Evil
- Should Christians Declare or Decree Things over Their Lives?
Andrew K. Gabriel, Ph.D., is the author of Simply Spirit-Filled: Experiencing God in the Presence and Power of the Holy Spirit as well as three academic books, including The Lord is the Spirit. He is a theology professor and VP of Academics at Horizon College and Seminary and serves on the Theological Study Commission for the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada. You can follow him on Facebook or on Twitter.
Professor Andrew…Very very funny😄 Merry Christmas and have a happy new year 🥳
I love it! You troublemaker 😉
You obviously have a demon of humor because we just KNOW the LORD of heaven has NO sense of humor. And neither should you!! Selah,
😂 Well, that was entertaining!
I wrote what I thought about this but deleted it because I didn’t want what the repercussions would be.🙏 Jesus is coming. Night is coming when no man can work. John 9:4
That was entertaining, but it also contained some very valid advice about copying some of the absurd prayer forms floating around today. But, I wonder: if cats have nine lives, is it possible that eight of those lives are actually demons?
I am a little confused about part of the instructions.
Number 3 says, “Blow a shofar to blast your prayer into the feline realm…”
Does this imply that the shofar must be in the general proximity of the demonized cat and directed towards the cat?
Number 5 says, “Grab your cats tail, pull as hard as you can, and yell, “come out!”
Does this imply that the cat ran under a bed, couch, or chair after hearing the shofar and must be placed back in the area of exorcism?
Number 6 says, “Place your hand on your cat’s head while praying, and push down on your cat’s head every now and then.”
Personally, I have no experience with casting demons out of cats but I have had a little bit of experience with angry cats, and I would recommend a pair of heavy leather gloves at perhaps step 2 or 3, definitely before steps 5 or 6.
Number 9 says, “Pray that God gives your cat “travelling mercies.”
I can certainly understand why this could be needed since the cat will no doubt be climbing the drapes and the wall by this time in the exorcism.
Number 10 says, “Humbly ask the Lord to turn your cat into a dog.”
Does this imply that all cats are merely demon possessed dogs?
What nonsense to waste your times on and then to send to people. What a waste of time to read this rubbish and then to read in another article, that you can’t even believe the blood of Jesus to cover you as a protection against the virus. Some people make themselves a mouthpiece and write scuh time wastes and other times when they should speak up for truth, they cover it up. This happens when the blind want to lead the blind in areas in which they haven’t yet been enlightened.
Ah Annette, you seem to have missed the whole point of this blog post. Aside from the fact that it was satire (and many people, therefore, found it funny), it did have a serious point to it.
To restate my overall point, no method of prayer guarantees anything . . . no matter what technique you use! There is room for teaching people how to pray—Jesus did it (Luke 11:1).
But beware.
“The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are . . . full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God” (Matthew 6:7, The Message).
Hi i have two cats that are possessed by evil spirits please help them outcand me there is baby taz is almost 2 andctiger is 6 ok please them me my name is kimberly thank u very much for ur time
Hi my two cats are possessed by evil spirits please help me out when they are possessed they try to make me get burn when iam cooking and they try to get my soul to please help me out before they get please thank u for ur time
That’s messed up I actually pulled. My cats tail how about I pull your hair and see how you like it 😒
Don’t you need to be a Christian in order for your Cat to have demons and thus require exorcism? I
once knew several exorcists, all Christian, and all their stories were of Other Christians who required Exorcism. The “Penguin book of Exorcism” lists exorcism from many different cultures and societies, not just Christian or Jewish or Moslem. I do speak to Cats but haven’t had a meaningful conversation with a Cat, even a talkative Siamese.
i believe that you have to be a believer in order to manifest a demon taking possession. However, any person TOLD that they have a Demon, by someone who then addresses the supposed demon, is very, very likely to answer, and is most unlikely to say, “Don’t be silly, sir, there are no demons”. Indeed, whatever the victim says will be taken to be “The Demon is speaking” Thus, in talking, the Exorcist actually creates a “Demon speaking through his lips”. This is NOT supposition. I’ve read accounts and can vouch for the fact that Exorcists get the Demon Talking exactly just as I have described.
You had me until you told me to pull the cat’s tail, that is absolutely horrible. I could never harm my pet in any way and I don’t think God would say the same. I’m shocked that you would sell someone to do something to their pet.